Comically Large Things

HELLLLLOOO LADIES! Nice looking jacket there. You pair that with a nice pair of stone-washed, baggy-fit jeans, and you’ve got yourself a look!

I do wonder what this thing costs, though. The economies of scale dictate that the smaller the audience for a given item, the more it must cost. Simple supply and demand, invisible hand and all that. So I’m guessing this thing must be very expensive, relative to other denim jackets of comparable quality, simply because there are probably only a small handful of guys that could fit it. So, on the whole, I probably can’t afford it.

When the roll of tape is this big, it becomes more important than ever to fold a little bit of the end over, so that you can easily get it started when you need to use it again. Isn’t that the worst thing ever, when you’re trying to get a piece of tape but you can’t pull it off evenly because it’s all stuck, and then it rips and goes down in little strips? You know what I’m talking about. That totally drives me nuts.

Ahhhh hahahahahaha …. hahahaha … toilet!

Heck yeah! Let’s get this party started! Let me just climb up on top of this big ol’ can of Bud and pop the top … hang on, hold that side of it … let me get my grip first, it’s all sweaty and wet … dude, hold it tight, TIGHT, I SAID …

DAMMIT! I fell off the can.

People who collect coins are called “noomismatics,” and those folks would salivate at the sight of this giant 2-dollar coin. What the photo doesn’t show, interestingly, is the giant vending machine that is situated just off to the right; next to it is a similarly large claw game, one of those things that always cheats and drops the stuffed animal right before you get it over the chute. I hate those things!

Hey, check it out - I just made up another song! Sing this one to the tune of “No Air” by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown:

Tell me how’m I s’posed to breath with no pants / Ain’t you gonna see me with big pants / Tried to wear ‘em to school but they kept falling down / Ooooohhh, no pants / Ooooohhh, big pants.

BIG PANTS, BIG PANTS!

That’s the greatest song in the world. Except the high note makes my throat hurt. I always sing it way too loud, and then regret it.

(Also: Helllloo ladies!)

I had some sushi last week for lunch. Tasted great, but it really upset my stomach - I was John Q. Bathroom for days, I tell you. You gotta watch out for the sushi, because when it’s good it’s good, but when it’s bad it will jack you straight up.

As for this maki roll here, well, it just looks sloppy to me. It hasn’t been sliced and plated, for one thing, but beyond that it looks like the ingredients are all out of proportion. And am I missing something, or is there no wasabi in there? Amateurs.