Hey kid … lemme have a bite of that cookie. It looks great. Just break me off a tiny piece of it, I haven’t eaten in hours and I’m gonna have to work late.
What? Aw come on, you can’t eat that whole thing. I just want one little piece! Come on, don’t be a jerk.
Really? Not even one bite. Weak.
You know what, I didn’t want it anyway.
Hey brougham, what’s up? I’m just chillaxing, listening to the new Chromeo mix I just downloaded. It’s not as good as their previous work. You should come over later, we’re gonna drink some PBR and watch the Latin HBO channel in, like, a totally non-ironic way. Hey, would you bring your latest copy of McSweeney’s with you if you drop by? I totally want to borrow it from you.
No, seriously, dude, you should come over and bring your McSweeney’s, because otherwise I’m gonna crush you like a bug.
Now this is a burger I can get behind. And by “get behind,” I literally mean stand behind it and YOU CAN’T SEE ME AMIRITE PEOPLE!
(drops microphone, walks off stage)
Equal parts brilliant and stupid, this one is. Brilliant: Giant Sony PSP, which must just have amazing resolution on a screen that size. Stupid: They put it UP IN THE AIR WHERE YOU CAN’T REACH THE BUTTONS.
I guess you could rent one of those cherry-picker tree things to play it, but who’s gonna bother with that? Dumb.
See, this just makes all of us guys look bad. We go out of our way to stop at Kroger on the way home and get you flowers. And we don’t even get the sorry-ass $3.99 bouquet. No, we opt for the $9.99 one, because it’s nicer and has some of that frilly white stuff in it and you know, you’re worth it, honey.
But then some jerk face comes along and buys his girl THIS giant thing, and we all look like tools. Thanks a lot, jerk face!
Also: HELLLLLOOOO LADIES!
OMIGOD look at the size of this donut! Looks really good, especially with the nice marbling of the sugar. A little bit lopsided down in the lower-right corner, but who am I to complain? You put this in the microwave for 15 seconds and you’ve got one happy man on your hands.
Please make sure it is the donut you place in the microwave, though, and not the iPhone. That’s a mistake I’ve made far too many times, let me tell you.
