The venerable video game Tetris celebrates its silver anniversary this year – that’s right, everybody’s favorite puzzle game is 25 years old! And you know, it’s still a lot of fun, isn’t it?

But somehow, when inventor Alexey Pajitnov created this elegantly simple diversion, I don’t imagine he had it in mind that the bricks that comprise his creation would someday become oversized, sentient and threaten the populace. Hardly! This is not was Dr. Pajitnov had in mind, and you giant Tetris pieces should be ashamed of yourselves for thinking this is what your creator wants you to do.

As I so often find myself saying, in these waxing days of the new millennium: What has science wrought?

Lookit! A big magnifying glass! The irony here, of course, is that this thing actually makes things look smaller. They did it wrong.

Also: Hellllooooo ladies!

I’m really leery of piracy and copyright/brand infringement – I’ve had a bad taste in my mouth ever since I got burned on that copy of PhotoShop I got on eBay that turned out to be a dud (my first clue should have been the fact that PhotoShop was spelled with a “K”). And so, color me a cynic, but I’m inclined to believe that this is NOT Curious George but some cheap knock-off. Where’s the guy with the yellow hat? Where’s the Jack Johnson music? I call shenanigans on Curious Forge!

(Curious Forge! Isn’t that clever? Just came up with that, just now. Totally.)

Also: Hellllooo ladies!

“Judge says, ‘what you got in your defense, son?’ I said ‘57 channels and nothing’s on.’” Wouldn’t have had that problem if you had this sucker! I bet this thing could find entertaining content at the drop of an antennae-shaped hat. Why, I bet there’s a button here marked “Gooder Than Hell.” Gotta buy one of these.

Also, hellllloooo ladies!

Get out of the way, everybody, because I’m about to rock this thing! The mike stand don’t stand a chance! Seriously, how much fun would it be to get on this thing and bust out a few bars of “Precious and Few” by Climax? Or maybe “After the Lovin’” by Engelbert Humperdinck. That’s one of my classics.

This is every kid’s dream, and every dental hygienist’s worst nightmare. And can you imagine the stomach ache you’d get if you ate a whole one of these things?

Reminds me of the time I went to McDonald’s on a field trip in second grade. Mom and dad didn’t like McDonald’s, so we never went, which meant I was totally jonesing for it. When we got there, I ate like three Big Macs and a Filet O’Fish and two things of fries. I was sicker than a dog, and still had to walk through the museum that afternoon.

I guess what I’m really trying to say, people, is “moderation in all things, especially when you’re dealing with Filet O’Fish.”

Wonder what this store sells. Lipstick? Costume jewelry? Model airplane glue and paint? Cigars? I dunno. But that’s a heckuva cigar, I’ll tell you that, and it looks like the lips are saying something. Can’t make it out, though.

We had gnomes on my lawn when I was a kid. Mom thought they were cute, and dad was indifferent. Not me, though, because I knew what those things were up to. I watched them from my bedroom window at night, when everybody else in the house was asleep … and the gnomes thought I was too, because I could see them switching positions. So we’d get up in the morning and everybody noticed that the one with the red hat was now standing where the one with the blue hat was yesterday – but nobody said a thing. It created a rift, a silence, which in time would tear our family apart. I hate those damned gnomes.

Also, hello ladies!

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to say “hey, bra, you think we could get some normal playing cards in time for next month’s game? Seriously. And Deke, leave the fish tank alone. C’mon. Leave the fish alone.”

Hello girls! Here we have some nice folks using crayons that are ill-suited for writing or coloring. They’re just too big! If you have to use both hands to manipulate the writing instrument, you don’t have a hand free to hold the paper or coloring book in place. That means the paper or the book is gonna go sliding all over the place. A recipe for frustration. Coloring is supposed to be fun!