Holy crap. These guys are huddling up and getting ready to kick some stuff! If I were a round, black-and-white ball, I’d be totally piddling myself right now.
Do soccer balls piddle? I’ve never thought of that until just now, but it’s an interesting philosophical question. Like whether or not fish drink their own pee. Yeah, it’s exactly like that.
Laugh all you want, suckers – this lady is probably smarter than all of us. You see, that hat is made of a special metal alloy that blocks the theta waves that are raining down on us every day from the space elevators. The theta waves were an unintended consequence of a benevolent technology gone horribly wrong, of course, and sometimes it falls to the people to find their own solutions.
This lady found a solution, and her mind is now safe. Plus, she looks snazzy. Who’s laughing now?
I got nothin’. Damned kids these days.
HELLLLLOOO LADIES! Nice looking jacket there. You pair that with a nice pair of stone-washed, baggy-fit jeans, and you’ve got yourself a look!
I do wonder what this thing costs, though. The economies of scale dictate that the smaller the audience for a given item, the more it must cost. Simple supply and demand, invisible hand and all that. So I’m guessing this thing must be very expensive, relative to other denim jackets of comparable quality, simply because there are probably only a small handful of guys that could fit it. So, on the whole, I probably can’t afford it.
Hey, check it out – I just made up another song! Sing this one to the tune of “No Air” by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown:
Tell me how’m I s’posed to breath with no pants / Ain’t you gonna see me with big pants / Tried to wear ‘em to school but they kept falling down / Ooooohhh, no pants / Ooooohhh, big pants.
BIG PANTS, BIG PANTS!
That’s the greatest song in the world. Except the high note makes my throat hurt. I always sing it way too loud, and then regret it.
(Also: Helllloo ladies!)
I’m at a loss for words. Truly. My heart aches with the magnificence of this. I have but this to offer: HELLLLOOOO LADIES!
(Get it? I have “but” this? AAAHAHAHAHAHA! Classic.)
Proper eye protection is important, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Let’s hear from the National Skin Centre of Singapore:
METHOD. We investigated 34 pairs of sunglasses to determine their suitability for providing adequate protection. The method used was modified from the technique used by Moseley et al. in 1988. RESULTS. We found that 21 (61.8%) of the 34 pairs of sunglasses and only 9 (53%) of the 17 pairs of sunglasses used by our patients were “satisfactory.” Expensive brands and polarizing sunglasses do not guarantee optimal UVA protection.
Sadly, the report is silent on the question of giant, heart-shaped sunglasses. The lesson, dear friend, is the usual one: caveat sunglasses emptor.
Oh, and also, and perhaps most importantly: Helllllooo ladies!