Hey, check it out - I just made up another song! Sing this one to the tune of “No Air” by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown:
Tell me how’m I s’posed to breath with no pants / Ain’t you gonna see me with big pants / Tried to wear ‘em to school but they kept falling down / Ooooohhh, no pants / Ooooohhh, big pants.
BIG PANTS, BIG PANTS!
That’s the greatest song in the world. Except the high note makes my throat hurt. I always sing it way too loud, and then regret it.
(Also: Helllloo ladies!)
28.May.08 
People, Rear ends 
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I’m at a loss for words. Truly. My heart aches with the magnificence of this. I have but this to offer: HELLLLOOOO LADIES!
(Get it? I have “but” this? AAAHAHAHAHAHA! Classic.)
22.May.08 Divine hammer, People, Rear ends Comments (0)
Proper eye protection is important, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Let’s hear from the National Skin Centre of Singapore:
METHOD. We investigated 34 pairs of sunglasses to determine their suitability for providing adequate protection. The method used was modified from the technique used by Moseley et al. in 1988. RESULTS. We found that 21 (61.8%) of the 34 pairs of sunglasses and only 9 (53%) of the 17 pairs of sunglasses used by our patients were “satisfactory.” Expensive brands and polarizing sunglasses do not guarantee optimal UVA protection.
Sadly, the report is silent on the question of giant, heart-shaped sunglasses. The lesson, dear friend, is the usual one: caveat sunglasses emptor.
Oh, and also, and perhaps most importantly: Helllllooo ladies!
07.May.08 People Comments (0)
It’s Derby Week here in my humble hometown of Louisville, Ky., and you know what that means - time to break out the silly hats! This one goes way back, as you can tell from the yellowing of the photo, to a time when only the very wealthy could afford large hats; the majority of the population was relegated to wearing hats of normal proportions.
The war between the haves and the have-nots has done nothing but escalate, of course, and today the Great Hat Disparity of 1973 still burns fresh in the memory of those who lived through it. More people can buy large hats today, thanks to cheap foreign labor and an influx of inexpensive materials; however, the credit market is flooded with high-interest loans designed to get people into hats that they cannot really afford. You have no business leasing a hat, people, and if the salesman tries to talk you into a lease, then what you’re looking at is simply too much hat.
Oh, and also - helllooooo ladies!
02.May.08 Hats, People Comments (0)
