Laugh all you want, suckers - this lady is probably smarter than all of us. You see, that hat is made of a special metal alloy that blocks the theta waves that are raining down on us every day from the space elevators. The theta waves were an unintended consequence of a benevolent technology gone horribly wrong, of course, and sometimes it falls to the people to find their own solutions.
This lady found a solution, and her mind is now safe. Plus, she looks snazzy. Who’s laughing now?
24.Jun.08 
Divine hammer, Hats, People 
Comments (0)
I got nothin’. Damned kids these days.
24.Jun.08 People, Rear ends Comments (0)
HELLLLLOOO LADIES! Nice looking jacket there. You pair that with a nice pair of stone-washed, baggy-fit jeans, and you’ve got yourself a look!
I do wonder what this thing costs, though. The economies of scale dictate that the smaller the audience for a given item, the more it must cost. Simple supply and demand, invisible hand and all that. So I’m guessing this thing must be very expensive, relative to other denim jackets of comparable quality, simply because there are probably only a small handful of guys that could fit it. So, on the whole, I probably can’t afford it.
17.Jun.08 People, Robots Comments (0)
Hey, check it out - I just made up another song! Sing this one to the tune of “No Air” by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown:
Tell me how’m I s’posed to breath with no pants / Ain’t you gonna see me with big pants / Tried to wear ‘em to school but they kept falling down / Ooooohhh, no pants / Ooooohhh, big pants.
BIG PANTS, BIG PANTS!
That’s the greatest song in the world. Except the high note makes my throat hurt. I always sing it way too loud, and then regret it.
(Also: Helllloo ladies!)
28.May.08 People, Rear ends Comments (0)
I’m at a loss for words. Truly. My heart aches with the magnificence of this. I have but this to offer: HELLLLOOOO LADIES!
(Get it? I have “but” this? AAAHAHAHAHAHA! Classic.)
22.May.08 Divine hammer, People, Rear ends Comments (0)
Proper eye protection is important, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Let’s hear from the National Skin Centre of Singapore:
METHOD. We investigated 34 pairs of sunglasses to determine their suitability for providing adequate protection. The method used was modified from the technique used by Moseley et al. in 1988. RESULTS. We found that 21 (61.8%) of the 34 pairs of sunglasses and only 9 (53%) of the 17 pairs of sunglasses used by our patients were “satisfactory.” Expensive brands and polarizing sunglasses do not guarantee optimal UVA protection.
Sadly, the report is silent on the question of giant, heart-shaped sunglasses. The lesson, dear friend, is the usual one: caveat sunglasses emptor.
Oh, and also, and perhaps most importantly: Helllllooo ladies!
07.May.08 People Comments (0)
It’s Derby Week here in my humble hometown of Louisville, Ky., and you know what that means - time to break out the silly hats! This one goes way back, as you can tell from the yellowing of the photo, to a time when only the very wealthy could afford large hats; the majority of the population was relegated to wearing hats of normal proportions.
The war between the haves and the have-nots has done nothing but escalate, of course, and today the Great Hat Disparity of 1973 still burns fresh in the memory of those who lived through it. More people can buy large hats today, thanks to cheap foreign labor and an influx of inexpensive materials; however, the credit market is flooded with high-interest loans designed to get people into hats that they cannot really afford. You have no business leasing a hat, people, and if the salesman tries to talk you into a lease, then what you’re looking at is simply too much hat.
Oh, and also - helllooooo ladies!
02.May.08 Hats, People Comments (0)
“Judge says, ‘what you got in your defense, son?’ I said ‘57 channels and nothing’s on.’” Wouldn’t have had that problem if you had this sucker! I bet this thing could find entertaining content at the drop of an antennae-shaped hat. Why, I bet there’s a button here marked “Gooder Than Hell.” Gotta buy one of these.
Also, hellllloooo ladies!
10.Apr.08 Appliances, People, Toys Comments (0)
This is either a huge lady, or a little bitty guy and his dog. I’m thinking it’s the former. Very large. Looks like she’s relaxed, too. Laid back, with her mind on her money and her money on her mind.
03.Apr.08 Animals, Divine hammer, People Comments (0)
This is a nice looking hat. It’s a bit big for her, but it kinda has to be to accommodate that impressive design.
Also, hellllooo ladies!
03.Apr.08 Hats, People Comments (0)
