Comically Large Things

I got my pen-cil … gimme something to write on! This is a great looking pencil, and I bet it writes like a dream. But if you were to absent-mindedly chew on the eraser, you might get a stomach ache -that’s a lot of eraser, after all! And if you were to make the mistake of tucking this behind your ear, you might end up with some real cartilage pain.

This little light of mine / oh, I’m gonna let it shine / let it shine, let it shine / let it shine, OH GOD IT HURTS MY EYES! Really, who needs a lamp this big? And what exactly are you up to that you need this much light? Pay attention, people - you’re seeing debauchery in action!

Hey ya’all, look what came in the mail for me - a big box with a girl inside! Oh yes, wait a minute mister postman! This rocks. Could you imagine opening up your bills and stuff one day, throwing away the pizza and furniture coupons, shredding the credit card offers, and oh yeah, there’s one box we didn’t open yet, wonder what’s in it? It’s a hot girl! Heck yeah. Best mail day ever!

White queen to king’s bishop, black rook to I QUIT. These comically large chess sets are fun at the mall, but only because you’ve got a giant slushie. What’s the fun of chess without slushies? Or at least the possibility of a cheesesteak made by an unfriendly Hispanic woman. You give me that, I’ll play you some chess with pieces that are difficult to move. No cheesesteak? No chess.

These girls are having a fun day at the beach - that’s awesome! And they’ve brought some freakishly large thingie with them. Not sure what it is, but it looks like one of those old-style bug sprayer things - you know, the kind in the old Warner Brothers cartoons, the long red things that had the little canisters hanging off of them? And you’d pump the thing and the stuff would spray out of the end? I think that’s what this is. These girls obviously know how to partay.

This is a giant wallet. You really need a giant wallet if you want to carry enough cash to pay for gasoline, you know? At today’s prices, who can afford to drive? Am I right, people, or what?

This is a nice touch - the hotel offers free computer use for its guests - but I think they made a mistake when they chose one huge computer rather than a bunch of regular-sized ones. Sure, maybe they saved a little bit of money, but the trade-off is serious - very few people will be able to actually use this thing, owing to the fact that the keyboard is suspended in mid-air and will require a fair amount of physical acumen to reach. It’s also completely unaccessible to people with disabilities, unless they’ve got some sort of lift system that I can’t discern in this photo.

Then there’s the matter of the operating system - is that Linux? Big mistake for a hospitality provider. Most consumers are familiar with Windows and Windows only. Bonus geek points, but still, not a wise choice here.

Finally, they’ve installed it near the swimming pool. What if that thing falls in? God help us all.