Comically Large Things

Lookit! Big ol’ paper airplane. Can you imagine what it took to fold this sucker? I wish I could sit in it and take a ride. Paper airplane ride!

Big ol’ scissors are the order of the day here. These would be great for cutting a giant ribbon, perhaps, or making a freakishly large curly bow for a package. You know, like when you take the Christmas ribbon and drag the scissor blade across it to make it curl up? Those. You could really make one of those with these scissors. But you know what this makes me want to do? Cut out some giant paper dolls!

This guy is taking a sip from a plastic thing that looks like a big coffee cup. Or wait a minute … is that a golf bag? Like one of those shock-resistant ones, for guys who go golfing in the jungle? You know, the more I look at it, the more I think it’s a garbage can. Dude, quit drinking out of the garbage can! That’s filthy.

I got my pen-cil … gimme something to write on! This is a great looking pencil, and I bet it writes like a dream. But if you were to absent-mindedly chew on the eraser, you might get a stomach ache -that’s a lot of eraser, after all! And if you were to make the mistake of tucking this behind your ear, you might end up with some real cartilage pain.

This little light of mine / oh, I’m gonna let it shine / let it shine, let it shine / let it shine, OH GOD IT HURTS MY EYES! Really, who needs a lamp this big? And what exactly are you up to that you need this much light? Pay attention, people – you’re seeing debauchery in action!

Hey ya’all, look what came in the mail for me – a big box with a girl inside! Oh yes, wait a minute mister postman! This rocks. Could you imagine opening up your bills and stuff one day, throwing away the pizza and furniture coupons, shredding the credit card offers, and oh yeah, there’s one box we didn’t open yet, wonder what’s in it? It’s a hot girl! Heck yeah. Best mail day ever!

White queen to king’s bishop, black rook to I QUIT. These comically large chess sets are fun at the mall, but only because you’ve got a giant slushie. What’s the fun of chess without slushies? Or at least the possibility of a cheesesteak made by an unfriendly Hispanic woman. You give me that, I’ll play you some chess with pieces that are difficult to move. No cheesesteak? No chess.