Comically Large Things

Here, ladies and gentlemen, is a very large flower. Very large. Just look at the “vase” its stem is perched inside. I didn’t know they made transparent PVC pipe. They should, though, because that would make plumbing a much more interesting profession.

Not that it isn’t already interesting! I mean, think about all of the people you get to meet. Plumbing problems know no race, gender or socioeconomic boundaries. Why, were I a plumber, I imagine I would get to meet all kinds of fascinating folks! People from all walks of life! Astronauts, chefs, masseuses, sommeliers, musicians, snack machine restocker guys, men who wear monocles, cat groomers, fire hydrant painters, carpet de-lousers, the list boggles the mind!

And such interesting tools. Did you know that plumbers use something called a reamer? I had no idea. Then, at other times, they need the servics of a deburrer. No idea what that does, either, but it sounds quite nice.

Also: Helllllooooo ladies!

Geez, would you look at the size of the knob on this door? It’s ridiculous! Totally out of proportion to the rest of the thing!

Man, does this take me back. We used to have one of these exact things in my back yard when I was a kid. My uncle Sid built it one day when my parents and I weren’t home. Sid was always doing stuff like that – filling the bathtub with orange juice, writing big long plays in Portugese, rolling around in his own filth and then going to K-Mart. Too much homemade potato wine will do that to you.

This poor lady – look at that expression on her face! She’s encountered an ear swab of statuesque proportions, and she doesn’t quite know what to make of it. In fact, it’s got her so confused that she’s attempting to swab her nose with it. What, does your brain itch? That thing is too big for any practical usage involving the human body. You might be better served by using it to clean those hard-to-reach nooks and crannies around the bathroom sink. But for the love of God, quit trying to stick it into your nose!

I don’t really know what I want to say about this. I know what Dr. Freud would say – or at least I think I do. But sometimes a corn dog is just a corn dog, you know? Maybe the faithful readers can make sense of this in the comments.

Holy crap – somebody needs to go to the doctor! What in the hell is the point of having a nose this big, huh? YOU TELL ME.