Advertising has changed drastically over the past five years; media buyers are looking to staunch the bleeding caused by viewers skipping ads with their TiVos and downloading ad-free media from an unimaginable wealth of sources. The conventional advertising model indeed appears to be broken; the solution, clearly, is to make the advertising venues bigger.

It was in response to this need that the estimable Dr. Hereford von Schnittke entered his top-secret laboratory in Belgium, armed with an untold number of chemical compounds and the arcane knowledge of the centuries. He emerged months later, a victorious smile upon his face – he had created the monster newspaper, a hybrid of publishing vehicle and blood-drenched hellspawn. Customers would no longer be able to avoid advertisements – oh, no, they would not! Dr. von Schnittke had quite seen to that.

Oh, and, yes – helllllloooo ladies!

Holy cow, look at the size of that book! And even more amazing is the fact that somebody managed to get it stuck up in the corner like that. I bet that took two or three people, plus another one to hold the ladder. I can’t make out what this book is, but it looks serious – lots of little print. Probably doesn’t have any pictures.

These ladies couldn’t resist a photo opportunity, especially when they came across this titanic copy of “Quantity Surveying in 19th-century Ecuador.” Chicks absolutely freak out over that book. I keep a copy in my truck at all times, just to impress the ladies.

Crap. What is going on here? This young lady has found a ridiculously large book about Yellowstone National Park. What is this, does the book actually contain the park itself? Because it totally could – am I right, people?!?!

I wonder if this is one of those books that they don’t let you take out of the library. Like encyclopedias, or those books that are nothing but zip codes. I’ve never understood who would want to read that.