Here, for instance, we have three perfectly lovely young ladies, enjoying life (as they should) in a chair of just plain stupid proportions. Chairs like this make no sense. Is our obesity problem really that bad, that we need triple-wide seating?

At any rate, no, we don’t, the chair is just plain silly. Even sillier is the fact that we don’t know where this picture was taken! Please, people, document your adventures with comically large things! Make a note of the city and state, or at the very least get a website of the business where you saw it!

Also: Helllloooo ladies! You already know!

During the cultural pinnacle of the Ottoman Empire, beds of this size were the rule rather than the exception. General Dormier Tsusk IV had three of them, all in one room, for his concubines. And a separate one for the chickens. The man loved chickens.

Here’s a very large wooden chair. It’s done in what you’d call a rustic style – the wood is unfinished and uneven, and that’s what lends this beauty its charm. A real conversation piece, this one.

Also: Hellllllooooo ladies!

Ahhhh hahahahahaha …. hahahaha … toilet!

So I’m walking into work the other morning, carrying my trusty Thermos of freshly brewed joe, and up comes one of my co-workers, smart look on his face, and he says to me, he says, “You know, the only good thermos is a Stanley thermos.”

To which I said, of course, “False that!” You’ll notice that when he said thermos, it was with a lower-case “t” – because my man there didn’t realize that there is no such thing as a “Stanley thermos.” Thermos is a brand, suckers! And what a brand it is. Giant, baby!

I enjoy smoking a cigar as much as the next guy, and even the occasional pipe. And I’ve tried to get into the whole business of finding just the right lighter, but it’s never felt right to me – no matter which ones I try, I always go back to the plain old box of matches. Simple, earthy, effective, clean, classic.

That said, sometimes you need more firepower, I suppose. Like, for instance, I bet this lady could use the Zippo seen here. Gotta watch the eyebrows, though.

“Judge says, ‘what you got in your defense, son?’ I said ’57 channels and nothing’s on.’” Wouldn’t have had that problem if you had this sucker! I bet this thing could find entertaining content at the drop of an antennae-shaped hat. Why, I bet there’s a button here marked “Gooder Than Hell.” Gotta buy one of these.

Also, hellllloooo ladies!

AHHHHHHGGGHHGHH! EVERYBODY GET OUT OF THE WAY! There’s a freakishly large cup of coffee up there, and it’s about to tump over, spilling god-knows-how-much scalding hot liquid on whomever is below! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!

And yes, “tump” is a word. It’s an intransitive verb, meaning “to fall over.” I totally looked it up.

DUDE, GET OUT OF THE WAY! There’s a huge pizza cutter rolling toward you … and dammit if it doesn’t look like your “friend” is doing the pushing! You call that guy a friend? Look, he’s even smiling as he does it! I bet he’ll be laughing his rear end off once he bisects your upper leg. You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, homes, and get some new friends.

Man, look at this fork! It’s almost unsightly, it’s so big. Impractical. Well, it’s impractical if you’re using it to eat, I suppose, but it’s probably pretty great at serving up food on to the plate. Looks like that’s what’s going on here.

But you know what? Despite my previous trepidation, I’d still like to give it a shot – you know, dipping this thing into a big Rubbermaid tub full of macaroni and cheese and pulling myself out a horse-sized bite. That would be gooder than hell!