Comically Large Things

Listen people, because I’m only going to say this a couple of times, unless I forget, in which case I’ll say it again: if you’re going to take a photo of yourself enjoying some Comically Large Things, please try to document where the photo is taking place!

Here, for instance, we have three perfectly lovely young ladies, enjoying life (as they should) in a chair of just plain stupid proportions. Chairs like this make no sense. Is our obesity problem really that bad, that we need triple-wide seating?

At any rate, no, we don’t, the chair is just plain silly. Even sillier is the fact that we don’t know where this picture was taken! Please, people, document your adventures with comically large things! Make a note of the city and state, or at the very least get a website of the business where you saw it!

Also: Helllloooo ladies! You already know!

During the cultural pinnacle of the Ottoman Empire, beds of this size were the rule rather than the exception. General Dormier Tsusk IV had three of them, all in one room, for his concubines. And a separate one for the chickens. The man loved chickens.

Here’s a very large wooden chair. It’s done in what you’d call a rustic style – the wood is unfinished and uneven, and that’s what lends this beauty its charm. A real conversation piece, this one.

Also: Hellllllooooo ladies!

Ahhhh hahahahahaha …. hahahaha … toilet!

So I’m walking into work the other morning, carrying my trusty Thermos of freshly brewed joe, and up comes one of my co-workers, smart look on his face, and he says to me, he says, “You know, the only good thermos is a Stanley thermos.”

To which I said, of course, “False that!” You’ll notice that when he said thermos, it was with a lower-case “t” – because my man there didn’t realize that there is no such thing as a “Stanley thermos.” Thermos is a brand, suckers! And what a brand it is. Giant, baby!

I enjoy smoking a cigar as much as the next guy, and even the occasional pipe. And I’ve tried to get into the whole business of finding just the right lighter, but it’s never felt right to me – no matter which ones I try, I always go back to the plain old box of matches. Simple, earthy, effective, clean, classic.

That said, sometimes you need more firepower, I suppose. Like, for instance, I bet this lady could use the Zippo seen here. Gotta watch the eyebrows, though.

“Judge says, ‘what you got in your defense, son?’ I said ‘57 channels and nothing’s on.’” Wouldn’t have had that problem if you had this sucker! I bet this thing could find entertaining content at the drop of an antennae-shaped hat. Why, I bet there’s a button here marked “Gooder Than Hell.” Gotta buy one of these.

Also, hellllloooo ladies!