Comically Large Things

I know very little about fishing. In fact, you can sum up my entire body of fishing knowledge in this one sentence: It has something to do with going out on a boat and coming back with fish in your possession.

That said, I’m going to call shenanigans on this lure, if only for reasons of simple physics: namely, any fish large enough to bite down on this thing is not only going to be too large to reel in, it probably poses mortal danger to any humans in its vicinity.

This is either a huge lady, or a little bitty guy and his dog. I’m thinking it’s the former. Very large. Looks like she’s relaxed, too. Laid back, with her mind on her money and her money on her mind.

I really enjoy typing the phrase “giant shrimp,” because it’s inherently contradictory. It’s like saying “tiny behemoth” or “interesting game of golf” - by it’s very nature and definition, simply not possible. But this giant shrimp defies convention right out of the gate, namely by wearing a ten-gallon hat and carrying a firearm! Nobody better screw around with ol’ Deputy Cocktail Sauce here. Because he’s packing. Nice bandana, too.

We had gnomes on my lawn when I was a kid. Mom thought they were cute, and dad was indifferent. Not me, though, because I knew what those things were up to. I watched them from my bedroom window at night, when everybody else in the house was asleep … and the gnomes thought I was too, because I could see them switching positions. So we’d get up in the morning and everybody noticed that the one with the red hat was now standing where the one with the blue hat was yesterday - but nobody said a thing. It created a rift, a silence, which in time would tear our family apart. I hate those damned gnomes.

Also, hello ladies!

Here you see the dangers that are inherent in squid husbandry. Look carefully and you’ll see a leg and part of an arm of the partially digested person this squid has just eaten. It’s a sad but true fact of life in our genetically engineered age: If you take chemically and radioactively altered creatures into your home as pets, there is always a chance they will turn on you if the electric barrier should ever fail.

CRAP! LOOKOUT, EVERYBODY! Giant mouse on the loose, hell-bent for cheese and drunk on the fresh morning air!

Seriously, though, this is a pretty cute guy, and it appears that he’s going for some brie, which indicates good taste on his part. Still, I wish the men at the lab hadn’t transformed him to such hideous proportions. How can he hope for a normal mouse-life when all his friends are going to be (understandably) terrified of him?

You know, as I reflect upon the very nature of this photo, I have to ask whether or not it is relevant. After all, isn’t Godzilla inherently large? Wouldn’t it really be interesting to see a comically small Godzilla? I dunno. My head hurts.