“La, LA, la LA la la, LA, la la LA la …. La, LA, la LA la GGGAGAAAAAAUUUUUGGHH EVERYBODY RUN HE’S PISSED!”

Who’s a good boy? Huh, who’s a good boy? OH PLEASE DEAR LORD I HOPE YOU ARE A GOOD BOY.

These boobies are very large. You can’t really tell from the scale of the picture, but trust me, they’re huge. Giant, huge boobies.

Also: Welcome to our latest batch of pervs arriving via Google!

Here we have a very large cupcake, being mounted by a monkey. This is not something you see every day. No, in fact, it has been at least a week since I have last seen a monkey attempting to get jiggy with a cupcake.

(Note to un-cool people: “get jiggy” is a phrase the kids are using these days to indicate physical intercourse. That, or dancing, I’m not really sure.)

Rubber duckie, you’re the one! You make running in fear for my life so much fun!

According to the photographer of this beauty, Albert here is the world’s largest bull. He has, and I quote, “baby blue eyes and giant concrete gonads.” Which means he has a lot in common with me.

Here’s a new song I wrote. Sing it to the tune of “Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston:

“Somebody call 911, there’s a giant golden idol head of Bast, driven mad by centuries of bloodlust, getting ready to devour a young lady foolish enough to pause for a moment in her wake …

“um, on the dance floor.”

Boy, I really need to find out what store this is in, because I need to make sure I never take my dog in there. She’s getting up in the years, but she doesn’t realize it. So she’d totally try to devour this thing, which her aging GI tract would have problems with. Dogs are just like people, aren’t they? We always think we can take on more than we actually can. Life’s funny like that.

You know, the more I look at this, the more I’m starting to think that this isn’t actually a dog biscuit.

Oh, I love hamsters. They are so cute! Some of them are excellent drivers, as well, when you get them a little motorized car that is the right size for their legs.

I’ll never forget Timmy, my first hamster. Boy, that hamster could drive. And he made up the most amazing stories, too! The nights we would stay awake late, talking and imagining a better world …

… wait just one damned minute here … does that say it’s bacon-flavored Diet Coke? OMIGOD. I thought they stopped making that years ago!

Impossible to tell from this angle what kind of animal that is, but I’m guessing a bull. Like one of those Merrill Lynch bulls. You know, the one in the Bugs Bunny cartoon about the bull fighter, where he swallows the rifle and then can shoot bullets out his horn by swinging his tail? That one. That’s what I bet this animal looks like.

Also: A warm welcome to the latest batch of pervs arriving via Google!