These boobies are very large. You can’t really tell from the scale of the picture, but trust me, they’re huge. Giant, huge boobies.
Also: Welcome to our latest batch of pervs arriving via Google!
Here we have a very large cupcake, being mounted by a monkey. This is not something you see every day. No, in fact, it has been at least a week since I have last seen a monkey attempting to get jiggy with a cupcake.
(Note to un-cool people: “get jiggy” is a phrase the kids are using these days to indicate physical intercourse. That, or dancing, I’m not really sure.)
Internal monologue of this adorable little baby, confronted with a comically large pizza:
“Hey, look, something’s happening! Yeah, we’re getting in the car! ALL RIGHT! I love getting in the car. Something cool is about to happen!
“Oh, look, the car has stopped! We’re getting out now! YEAH! The cool thing is bound to be happening now! I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS!
“Hey, is this the place where the cool thing happens? Big building with big doors. Mom and dad are taking me inside … I bet they’re going to get something cool for us!
“… HOLY GREAT MOTHER OF GOD, LOOK AT THAT THING! That looks delicious! I was right, something cool is happening to me today! Yeah!
“But wait. Mom and dad are eating it. But they’re still giving me applesauce and pureed carrots. What? What the heck is this all about, mom and dad? Why can’t I have any of that thing? There’s clearly plenty of it to go around!
…
“Today sucks.”
Hey everybody, I made up another song! Sing this one with me, to the tune of “Rudeboy” by Rihanna:
Come on chicken and waffles, get it up,
Come on chicken and waffles, yeah, you’re big enough,
Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, I feel kinda sick.
Smile while you can, people. Once you get to the bank and try to deposit that, and the girl behind the counter informs you that there’s $5 convenience fee for depositing a comically large check, you won’t be so smiley then, will you? No, probably not.
Well, maybe you will. Five bucks isn’t that much when we’re talking about ten grand, and honestly, it’s a pretty fair price for the service, given how much work it creates for the bank. Never mind.
Hey kid … lemme have a bite of that cookie. It looks great. Just break me off a tiny piece of it, I haven’t eaten in hours and I’m gonna have to work late.
What? Aw come on, you can’t eat that whole thing. I just want one little piece! Come on, don’t be a jerk.
Really? Not even one bite. Weak.
You know what, I didn’t want it anyway.
Hey brougham, what’s up? I’m just chillaxing, listening to the new Chromeo mix I just downloaded. It’s not as good as their previous work. You should come over later, we’re gonna drink some PBR and watch the Latin HBO channel in, like, a totally non-ironic way. Hey, would you bring your latest copy of McSweeney’s with you if you drop by? I totally want to borrow it from you.
No, seriously, dude, you should come over and bring your McSweeney’s, because otherwise I’m gonna crush you like a bug.