Comically Large Things

I like big pies and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a big pie …

Oh, never mind. This looks like they’re not even trying. If somebody doesn’t cover that thing up with some tissue paper or cling-wrap or something, the crust is gonna go totally stale. Then nobody’s gonna want it, I don’t care how much back it has. Take care of your baked goods, people!

Laugh all you want, suckers – this lady is probably smarter than all of us. You see, that hat is made of a special metal alloy that blocks the theta waves that are raining down on us every day from the space elevators. The theta waves were an unintended consequence of a benevolent technology gone horribly wrong, of course, and sometimes it falls to the people to find their own solutions.

This lady found a solution, and her mind is now safe. Plus, she looks snazzy. Who’s laughing now?

I got nothin’. Damned kids these days.

Here’s an interesting bit of trivia for you – did you know that the prairie dog is not actually a dog, but an arachnid? That’s right, it has eight legs, four of which it conceals underneath its thick fur. During the winter, when it leaves its burrow for nuts and fruit, it can often be seen walking around on all eights, snapping at fallen acorns.

This is truly a critter whose cuteness belies its ferocity – especially one of this size.

You know, looking at this comically large violin makes me think of one thing and one thing only: the violin player from Celtic Woman. She’s really cute! Now, imagine if she was large enough to play this thing – it would be a massive solar-powered entity of cute! A leaning tower of cute!

I also think the blonde one is really cute. Maybe the scientist that builds the embiggening ray for the violin player can make her giant too, so they can perform together.

HELLLLLOOO LADIES! Nice looking jacket there. You pair that with a nice pair of stone-washed, baggy-fit jeans, and you’ve got yourself a look!

I do wonder what this thing costs, though. The economies of scale dictate that the smaller the audience for a given item, the more it must cost. Simple supply and demand, invisible hand and all that. So I’m guessing this thing must be very expensive, relative to other denim jackets of comparable quality, simply because there are probably only a small handful of guys that could fit it. So, on the whole, I probably can’t afford it.

When the roll of tape is this big, it becomes more important than ever to fold a little bit of the end over, so that you can easily get it started when you need to use it again. Isn’t that the worst thing ever, when you’re trying to get a piece of tape but you can’t pull it off evenly because it’s all stuck, and then it rips and goes down in little strips? You know what I’m talking about. That totally drives me nuts.