Comically Large Things

Every time you microwave something you shouldn’t, the seals on your oven break down a little. And every time the seals break down a little, a little more radiation gets released into the environment. And every time a little more radiation gets released into the environment, we all get one step closer to Bird Apocalypse. Like what you see? No? Then learn to use the damn microwave properly.

Helllloooo ladies! Can I buy you a drink? How about thirty? Because you’ve got to have a powerful thirst in order to make the most of this mug. Me, I’d want to fill this sucker up with chamomile tea, make myself a nice hot bubble bath, and put on some Dido. And hope to God that I don’t drop the mug on my naked body.

Holy crap … or should I say, holy carp! But of course, I don’t know whether that’s a carp or not, so that particular pun may be ill-timed. I don’t know my fish, can’t really tell the different varieties apart. But I know what I like, and I know I like it when those suckers are breaded and fried and put on a plate in front of me! Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn! You totally know what I’m talking about. Cocktail sauce.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Lookit! Big ol’ paper airplane. Can you imagine what it took to fold this sucker? I wish I could sit in it and take a ride. Paper airplane ride!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gMcYzQq5dw&rel=1]
Here we have Doctor Sparkles, performing in front of a freakishly large ukulele. And it appears to be on fire. And by “on fire,” I don’t mean in the conventional sense in which that phrase is frequently used in describing the ukulele - you know, “Man, that ukulele solo is on fire! Smokin’ hot!” No, I mean that there literally appear to be flames on it. Cardboard flames, from the looks of things, but you know, you can never be too careful with a ukulele.

Look at the expression on this woman’s face. Is it shock? Horror? Delight? Irony? A devastating amalgam of all of the above? Well, just consider how you would feel if confronted with such a fork and spoon. What are you supposed to make of it? Is God taunting you, using simple constructs of wood to remind you just how small and insignificant you are? Is it a harbinger of human evolution, an invitation to gigantism? Or is it just an interesting decorating ethic?

Also, hello ladies!