BUDDDN BUDDDN BRRRRRMMMMRMMM! Hi, my name is Billy Bad-Ass and I drive an amazingly huge motorcycle. It’s got orange flame effects on the side, so you know it’s tearing it up, even when it’s parked in a mall lot.
“Tiptoe / through the tulips / through the something-something / with you” … Oh baby baby, it’s a giant ukulele! Who in their right mind would buy a ukulele this large? Not me, but then I’m not convinced I want a uke of the more typical size. You see, I have very long fingers. Good for rock guitar, not so good for ukulele or mandolin. But hey, you know what they say about guys with big fingers, don’t you? Hell yeah you do! We gotta buy big gloves.
Who’s number one? WE’RE NUMBER ONE! Damn straight. And this lovely young lady has latched onto one of the great unspoken secrets of awesomeness – you take your rockin’ to a whole ‘nother place when you match your shirt with your giant foam hand. Color coordination tells your momma like it is!
Hello girls! Whatcha got there? Looks like you got some big pants. And you’ve both stepped into them simultaneously. Okay, I guess that’s alright. Good enough way to spend an evening.
Okay, then, nice talking to you … I guess you’ve probably got some homework to do? That’s gonna be tough, both of you wearing the same set of pants.
I saw this and had to write another song. You know how it is; when you’re too legit to quit, the rhymes just come naturally. Sing this one to the tune of “Potential Break-Up Song” by Aly & AJ:”This is a / giant corrrrrr-rrrn dog/ it’s fried meat on a stick / it’s makes me smile, yeah baby / This is a / giant corrrrrr-rrrn dog / I’M GONNA DUNK THIS SUMBITCH IN A BATHTUB FULL OF KETCHUP AND EAT THE MESS OUT OF IT / HOPE I DON’T HURT MYSELF ON THE POINTED STICK”
This poor lady – look at that expression on her face! She’s encountered an ear swab of statuesque proportions, and she doesn’t quite know what to make of it. In fact, it’s got her so confused that she’s attempting to swab her nose with it. What, does your brain itch? That thing is too big for any practical usage involving the human body. You might be better served by using it to clean those hard-to-reach nooks and crannies around the bathroom sink. But for the love of God, quit trying to stick it into your nose!
This little light of mine / oh, I’m gonna let it shine / let it shine, let it shine / let it shine, OH GOD IT HURTS MY EYES! Really, who needs a lamp this big? And what exactly are you up to that you need this much light? Pay attention, people – you’re seeing debauchery in action!